Honsetly, he ain’t the typa boyfriend I thought he would be. He’s not there for me @ all; & he doesn’t give a fuck. I really have feeling for him & I don’t wna leave him; I think I deserve better. A lot of my friends are telling me that I can do better & that I deserve better, but I want HIM. ugh, whatever. Fuck it, tmros our one month & he can’t even go to his own dance.. Forget about it all..
Mochi, #2 baby. I love you, Mochi. Good thing he’s not in pain anymore..
Good night wid baby; Sweatin’ so much, it ain’t even funny. I worked him reaaal good. Sore back & thiighs, but it’s aight(: - Danced the night away
Earthquake/Fire Drill - stayed under the hot sun for 1 hour. But anyways, I realized that completely everything is falling apart. I’m trying to keep everything under control, but when I try to do that - I tend to freak out later. Too much problems to face. All I got to do is solve each problem 1 by 1. People want to help, but all they can do is support me. Never giving up, & no one can bring me down. Honestly I’m still rising to the top-meet me there?(:
—Me(=
Stayed @ home with Sean ‘cause I didn’t want me or sean to get involved in any shit. Stayin’ above the influence. & since I’m stayin’ above it all - Sean has to, too. Don’t really need a specific date to get high or get drunk. Thas stupid. When I say “I’ma rise to the top” I really mean it & by making these kind of decisions it will bring me to the top - but there will still be some flaws of course.
Me & baby talked about what I felt last night. He made it clear to me that everything was true & the fact that he did change is true.. Uuuuuugh -_- what’s really true? Is he still a player? Is he gonna treat me like the rest of his past girls? Cause I REALLY WANT to stand out from the rest of his girls. I don’t want to be concidered “one of them”. I want to be that girl, “DAMN, she’s the girl that changed Aaron from bein’ a player, etc. etc.” I’m still gonna rise to the top even when it comes to my boyfriend. I love him dearly & I don’t want anything else but him.
Okae, pretty much today was a chill day. Slept late ‘round 3AM talking to the boyfriend. Woke up pretty early ‘round 730AM. Couldn’t sleep anymore so I just ate tommys — &yes, i’m a fatass, I do have those midnight snacks & morning snacks. So while eating tommys I texted my boyfriend those “good morning greetings & i love you & miss you’s” so that will make his day. Finally I fell back asleep. & now I woke up ‘round 11AM; so I’m done with sleeping. Just chilled with my mom & lil cousin Sean. I was bored so I did that “charmaine” thing. I checked my boyfriends old comments & messages in myspace. Ugh, i’m so fcknn’ stupid for doing that. While doing that, I discovered that he was a trick / player. I don’t know if he’s still one right now, but it made me aware that he might be still. -______-” I noticed that I’m lingering in the past, which is really bad — also realizing that my boyfriend may still be a player. Ugh, this is some fucked up shit, like f’reals. Honestly I wanted to be different from the rest of his past girlfriends. I wanted to stand out, but I guess I’m just concidered one of them. I thought it would be all good with him being mine, all mine. But I guess all I wanted was him to really love me — love me differently from how he loved other girls. Well I guess that’s too much to ask for.. Now I’m having doubts & second thoughts.
April 15, 2009 - me & my boyfriends official date. OoOo he hella surprised me. It was a cold day, I didn’t bring a jacket to I was a bit moody & I slept real late so that also made me grumpy. Slept in 6th period. Still was confused if baby was coming to visit me, cause he didn’t text me as much - so I thought he was busy with his family. Bell rang & I went to the spot to meet cousins & everyone. & he was there(: I was real cold, so I asked him if we can sit in the sun. But all of sudden he was like “BABY, look over there.” I looked & there was this sign saying, “Baby, we’ve been talking for so long now & I want to ask you a question.” then I looked @ him — he asked me to be his girl(; I hugged him real tight ‘cause I felt like crying. LOL! Ohwells, tears of joy!
Janelle, Saruh & Vince helped him with everything & I also thank them. 3MONTHS was worth waiting for - e v e r y t h i n g was worth waiting for. Busting a mission, getting grounded, waiting till 11PM or 12AM just to talk to you until 3AM & still waking up early to go to school. Realized that I wasn’t the only one waiting, he was also waiting for me to; cause it takes two to make and ruin a relationship/friendship. I love you baby<3
